An Open Letter To My Dad On Father’s Day

an open letter to my dad on Father's Day

Dear Dad,

Happy Father’s Day!

It’s been 3 years since we last spoke. Time is flying and we can’t seem to slow it down. Unfortunately, you have decided that it is best we are not a part of each other’s lives, and so, suddenly, I am a fatherless daughter and you are…well, I am not sure. I miss you. Even though we may never get a chance to talk again, I want you to know that I won’t give up trying to reach out to you. I think of you a lot, I think of what it would be like to just simply pick up the phone and call you knowing that you will pick up. I have memories, a lot of great memories of me growing up. You were always there for me, helping me to be the best I can be. I remember all the trips we took as a family, places we’ve seen and all the memories we build together. I remember swimming in the Baltic Sea with you while mom was sitting by the shore with her sweater on. I remember picking berries and mushrooms in the forest with you in Lithuania. You taught me how to write and read, you taught me how to swim, you taught me how to be strong and how to follow my dreams. I wish that you’ve accepted me for who I am and the woman that I have become. I wish you’ve accepted decisions I’ve made in my life, even though you don’t agree with any of them. I want you to know that I’m proud to be a woman I am today, a mom and a wife even though life isn’t always easy. I’m not mad or angry at you for things that you said and your decision to pull away from me. I choose to forgive you because doing so empowers me. I choose to forgive you because the alternative is bitterness, and we all know that bitterness is poison. My love for you is UNCONDITIONAL and I will always love you, no matter what, no matter who you with, no matter who you are, no matter what you do. I want you to know that I’m very happy! I’m very blessed to have mom and Alex in my life, who are always there for me. I’m very blessed to have Alen, my brother, who has grown into a handsome man, talented and ambitious human being. I’m blessed to have a family of my own, friends to lean on. Even though you’ll never accept Tony as my husband, I want you to know that we don’t want to give up on our marriage. It hasn’t been easy and he did make a lot of mistakes, but at least he is trying to be a better man, a better husband, a better father. He refuses to give up! I hope that whatever you are dad, you are doing well. I hope you are happy. I hope you not spending Father’s Day alone. Forgive me please for disappointing you, for not being a daughter you want me to be and live the life you want me to live. I am Other. I am My Own. I am not an extension of you, of your accomplishments, your beliefs, or your failings. You cannot see me, and you cannot accept me, as me. And by doing that, or, more correctly, not doing that, we will never be able to see each other, truly. I will always struggle to be recognized as a person in my own right—a person with her own thoughts, and values, and beliefs. Did you ever think what it would be like to open your mind to me without preparing yourself to argue against me, or judge me, or consider what it meant for you, of me as a reflection of you? Did you ever pause to look at me, and think: “What does she see when she gazes at the stars so intently?” or “Why does she spend so much time with those kids? What does it give her heart?” or even “What does her heart tell her? I hope it sings.”

I love you dad now and always.

Yours truly, your daughter.